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*~*Airlia*~**ethereal* July 25 FYI: Will be starting a new blog on SpiritualityAs you can probably tell from my previous blogs...when I write ....I write long! heheheh...so this is just a heads up for all you readers out there about the coming download of my preceptions, experiences and beliefs on "Spirituality"...
I have decided to write about this because a friend of mine is an Atheist and he was hell-bent on making me one...he literally hates to believe in intangible things...so I'm guessing ESP is out of the question in his dictionary ...^^..
Anyway...this is Andie signing off ...for now...
Take care y'all
*^_^* October 01 Justifying "goin-out" : re-reply for part2 inquisitve me's replyoh thats it!!!... i cudn't help myself... i've realised we need to put n end to this issue...we ARE talkin about two sides of the same coin..and i think ur trial n error...is very practical...in fact i agree with you in that...its the timing of when to use it....according to u ...u analyse a person when ur goin out with them....analysing if they are the right type for you to finally commit to them or eventually marry them...As for some of us, our anaylsing process starts from the stage we knw a person and not necessarily like a boyfriend/gurlfriend...now coming to our personal experiences and environments...i have had very close relationships with ppl....i don have any shallow relationships....its quite black n white here for me...either...i like/dislike them or don't know them...and this gives me enuf time to analyse them...i don't think there’s a need to take the 'goin-out' step till ur certain of ur own feelings....so ya maybe U have a lot of frinds and can't devote much time to each of’em and u believe u can spend more time with the person whom ur goin out...which will help u anaylse them....if that works for u ...its perfect...no ones complainin!!... AGREED my point of view is a step ahead in the course of evolution of finding ur tru love....but doesn't that depend where n when u start looking from?....U start looking from the time u go out....most women start since they knw certain ppl in their lives....n most importantly...as far as goin out is concerned? personally?...The environment I am in at the moment and with what I have seen is like...u go out with a person...u LIVE with them...i find this arrangement distasteful and too hasty... its not like life in india...where still a good deal of conservatism is left with some restrictions (maybe its coz our parents stay close to us) …so ya...it (goin out) IS a big step for like minded ppl as myself to be SURE if i love the guy or not... Why do we need to go-out to assess our compatibility?...don’t we have friends?....don’t we want to be friends with the ones we choose to go out first?...if not then….its is truly a pheromonal or a guy thing… Believe me when I say some of us have more FUN with their friends then they wud ever have with their boyfriends or girlfriends….where issues of commitment comes to play…goin out takes a lot of work….so y go out with a person ur not even sure about?...or someone whom ur just testing to see whether they are compatible with u?...why even bother putting so much of effort in this prototype?...can’t u asses that when ur friends with em? Its not that I’m sayin that all ur friends are potential candidates but merely stating a fact that ur friends provide a more viable pool of potential ppl u can get serious about…besides ur better off with someone u know than someone u just feel attracted to… Now giving hints and recognising them truly for wat they are can also be quite tricky…I myself have been blamed of hinting at things when I neva had any intention of doin it!...becoz I basically don’t have any sex distinction when it comes to my friends…I’ll probably treat my female friends like my male friends…My relationships with some of my male friends have been scrutinised becoz of the same fact…I refuse to realise that u need to treat men and women differently…in friendship…n I think that’s how u maintain balance and are impartial… Ur question about mature brains was the most hilarious….25+ have developed brains but have u ever heard of expiration date?...lol...brains 30+ start to degenerate....i agree partially with ur statement that ppl from the time are born know how to love....they know how to get love but not necessarily give or express them in a way that will be acceptable to our significant others....I don’t know how to do that myself!!! And as far as my crush...no he wasn't and still aint a horny pig!...hahaha...he's a gem of a person...i still love him as a friend...sure i wud have said yes not becoz he wud have taken his chance at the right time but becoz i was confused with my new found feelings for him...and thank god he didn’t say anything at time!...hahahhaah...we both wud have been unhappy if wud have gone out n then realised that it was neva meant to be…coz i think we both were very serious minded ppl. We aint a teenagers anymore...where we can go out for fun!...but at the same breath I aint sayin that we shudn't have fun...i agree too much thinkin can cause a lot of exasperation....but i think that's how women are made...we think b4 we leap...infact we wait till we make a bridge to cross over instead of leaping at all...lol...
This is me signin off!...*^_^*…we start another topic…soon…
September 30 Part 2 of 'inquisitive me' and reply to my blog's ('inquisitive me') commentI have put this reply under a blog coz it was too big to fit into the reply section....^o^ lol....so u ARE a shrink!!!....u sure u like engg?....u're a writer material man!....not someone who spends time with science and reason!!!....thanks anyway for replying to my comment and reading my blog....hahahaha...i think its quite awkward to discuss this with anyone...its tru u have made ur blog a lot clearer on your perception on how to deal with love... but I would have to respectfully beg to differ from your dynamic-black-n-white opinion. I don't think we are talking about the same thing here....as already mentioned in my blog i think we are only talking our own interpretations of love and need not justify why we do the things we do, as they are clearly different. But then again…its hard for me not to, coz I’m very amused with the content of our discussion a.k.a. the elusive for some but glorious for some… the ineffable (don’t u just love that word…its been a long time since i’ve ever used that word…hahahah), Love. In order for us to come unto a common ground for discussing this topic further….i have taken the liberty of narrowing down the scope of our discussion regarding this emotion , mainly to the realms of the love for the significant other…. Speaking about experiences….i would think that I have no experience in this field but have certainly observed a lot of things. Test of time… Time is a good thing, especially when it comes to decisions of the heart….most of us need time to think it thru…to test our feelings….to let it stand the test of time to assess if its really the real deal….tru love doesn’t die with time...only becomes stronger....if its really meant to be...or it cud be rekindled when the occasion is right...other wise it was never supposed to be... Moving in haste with things will only bring heartaches in the long run….i’ve known ppl who even after 50 years of marriage regretfully have never loved each other becoz they made hasty decisions in their youth…they were left out from participating in the quest to find their soul mates. Men the go-getters I guess its truly a matter of the ideologies that our sexes pertain to. Most men are go-getters….they think very fast (maybe they take a lot of time in their own terms…but that time in women terms is like a day or a few weeks) where as women like to ‘take’ their time…maybe years! b4 they reach a decision (it’s a pain I know…but that how it is…) Trust Fate? Maybe most men don’t trust fate (if there is such a thing for them) or most women trust too much on it. I can’t stop to think that tru love no matter how elusive can be obtained …its only a matter of time…and fate….u can’t work against that… u shudn’t in the heat of ur new found emotions, declare ur love for someone you ‘think” u might be in love but in reality what u had was a symptom of elation after getting a positive response frm the first crush u ever proposed to!… so everything happens for r reason...(i'm not sayin u can laze arnd puttin everythin on hold fate to work arnd it, I’m sayin that but shud atleast wait for a sign…I knw this cud sound completely impractical…but hey, don’t burst my bubble!..hehehehe) And its funny that i should bring this topic up coz…one of my major crushes from high school…decided NOW (a week ago) was the time to let the cat out of the bag and he confessed his feelings for me…and this I might add… this spur of courage from his side couldn’t have been in the most inappropriate time (to the point of being absolutely hilarious actually)….but then again I wondered if he said this at the appropriate time ….wat would have become of us?...And it suddenly dawned upon me...i would have been stuck with him!...as I realised now that I never loved him….its was just my hormones and I was tryin to justify my biological and emotional outbursts at that time… LOVE for sure? Let me rephrase my most important query...how do u know ur in love at such a young age?.... Did u knw that a brain less than 25 years old is still not developed?...n we're like college graduates...keen on making a career at the moment.... so really we don't have any stability in our lives to judge or predict with the least bit of error where are we gna be in the next few years....I guess some people fm our generation are blessed with considerable amounts wisdom when it come to the matters of the heart…who have already decided whom they luv….whom they’re gna spend their lives with… but wat if these apparently wise ppl don’t really know wat they are doin?...wat if they are just tryin to stick to a plan that they made so perfectly which they still follow it even if it weren’t perfect anymore….wat if their drive to continue a project of the heart is mostly their ego at the end….ego (or pride) for completing a task….to finish and to prove a point to others….issues of the heart should not be a point to prove to the world ….its not a movie!...its ur freakin life!?!...how can u keep promises with ppl if u don't even truly knw for sure where UR gna be in the next 5 -10 years?...wat if u said u loved someone but had to (for example, )leave the country ...forever!...or worse found a person that u now realised u truly loved and not the one whom u promised(coz u were too young to properly decide at that time)...who was obviously maybe the crush or just an obsession that sounded so perfect and so right the that moment that u THOT it was love?...wat do u do now?...do u stay with ur crush just to stick to your promise sumhow or admit your luv to the one who truly is meant to be with u....if u don't stay with ur puppy love and follow ur heart then will that be cheating??...or turning your back on promises....i sumtimes wonder if these ppl are really that smart or just blinded by their own rigid ambitions of proving points…i hope for their sake that they are right....but I am a mere mediocre and cannot see my self makin any important decisions in this field till I turn 25…I’ll probably be more sure n more experienced about judging ppl and my own emotions then…lol According to a famous American psychologist Abraham Maslow....love comes after security needs and psychological (roti, kapda aur makaan…lol) needs...its agreeable to say that we all are very young to determine where we are headed in the future in terms of where were gna live... or how we're gna live, what lifestyle are we gna choose?....whom are we gonna stay with....what kind of social circle will we have....life has no certainties...so my question again....how do u know u've met the one if u haven't tested any other option let alone seen all potentials of wat life may have store for u...i know i sound like a flirt but i don't mean to....its like how do u know mughlai foods is the best if u haven't tested all the delicious cuisines in the world?....(ok bad bad comparison….relationship with food but u get my point doncha!?!) SO i think the love ur talking about might be quite close to the goin out scene coz ur love has plenty of room for trial n error ('u neva knw' factor)... mine doesn't....the love that i'm talkin about its more idealistic, that exhibits a relationship of respect and source of support from loved ones...(safe, distant yet consistent) I think its a man thing that u have to make a decision like BAMM ok!...lets do it... I, on the other hand am a Librian....i'm a salesperson’s nightmare...lol...and most women like to think more and act less which is the opposite of most men do. Most of my female friends will agree when I say …love for us is when we can’t stop thinking about a person even in his absence…time and proximity with that person should not be a big issue…its not like we’ll meet someone and go off with them….we will if we thot that this new guy is better!...lol…but that’s the catch!!!.... wat if we can’t find anyone better? (now there’s a winner for ya!) What about ‘think before you leap’? Love for someone is not necessarily knowing the persons past but to predict their future and aspirations and reactions to everyday things…U honestly don’t even know a person even after u’ve lived with them for years…intimacy, friendship and compromise are a necessity …emotional as well as physical….but that does not mean that u need to get sleep with every potential candidate….it simply means that a huge amount of thinking and investment goes into an ideal relationship from both sides… The reason I said earlier that we might be talking about different things in our blogs was becoz, from wat it looks like …u were tellin “A” to TRY and confess how he feels…but I feel like the outcome this confessing seems to be of no consequence to ‘A’….but how can u say u’ve got nothin to loose?...imagine…here u are …after gearin up all the courage (that is known to man..lol) to tell your love about how u feel and if things don’t turn out well…do u realise wat a waste of time , energy and effort it was? a disappointment?… that now might have very well marred the relationship u initially shared?...a relationship that is now tainted becoz of a silly urge to confess…call me a pessimist but…u lost the relationship! Expressing love I mentioned in my blog that expressing love to some people might not be saying the words but just behaving in a certain way that gives it away…. What u want out of love? Ideal love does not expect anything…not even affection…love becomes more like a duty…a chore…after all the romance n excitement…all that is left is devotion n an inexplicable urge to commit to this person… Issues with proximity How do you know u aint goin to be around them much? And does that give u the liberty to spit out things u wanna say and run away…doesn’t that make us an escapist? … Korean culture Although I might not have much experience in this field but I have certainly seen a lot in these two years outside …with different ppl and different cultures….but love is the same to everyone….their expressions can although be truly different and even weird I have realised Koreans have a very intriguing way of expressing their feelings….they DO things n not say them…in korean serials…if u say those three words that means the series is ended….the real romance lies in how they let the other knw abt hw they feel without ever telling them on their face…I find that interesting and I find its very classy and old fashioned….May be I fall under this category…some of us still believe that ppl who have enuf brains wud be able to comprehend the situation and not have to be ‘told’ literally about wats goin on…then its fun! At the end, I think wat we both have done is explained how love luks from the eyes of males and females respectively….Both are correct yet it certainly shows how we think and what past experiences we have had… Moral of the story: When women know for certain , they’ll get off their asses* and do sumthing about it…but until then, they’ll watch the game from a distance and observe how things go…slow n steady my friend ;))...sure it cud get late (very late) until ppl are certain to realise things...but then thats where fate comes into play...if its meant to be then....so help us god...hahahahah Thanks for such a thought provoking discussion… we should do it again sumtime…by starting another blog or some other topic…or even this … U must be thinking I have too much of free time….but truth be told…I found it very hard to put the whole issue down…I had it to finish …lol Take care n keep in touch *^_^*
September 28 Inquisitive me...I was recently lookin at one of my frind's blogs and its amazing how different people define their emotions differently...like love...that blog really is making me write this...about how i feel about 'love' (i won't tell all but share some thoughts)...this wasteful yet rewarding emotion...i say these two very opposite words together coz love can be very wasteful...if ur 'drunk' in love...u do not 'function' as a productive being .... but this feeling becomes rewarding when it is reciprocated....
Then again....confessing your emotions to the object of your affection might not be, in the very least, an excuse of 'better having loved than never loved at all'...and then saying 'not to expect anything from the object of you affection' which i find polar and (and if i may dare say so...)hipocritical... you can love, your love can be stong undying but y do u have to announce it to the world?? and most importantly to the person whom you apparently expect nothin from ?? ...is this love for some people??....i don't mean to offend anyone with this blog but i'm merely wondering if my own ideologies are flawed...i hope its just the difference of opinion...especially if we talk about an emotion so vague yet so stong as love....
Here's wat i think about "love" ...this emotion (accroding to me)...has different facets....love for you family, friends, mentors, idols and partners (personal or professional)...they all are different yet carry the same intensity....then again that depends how are u mesauring this intensity...hahahaha
I have loved a lot people and still do...but i (ideally) do not expect anything out of them...sometimes i can be demanding...but i've realised i've never asked for anything emotionally-substantial from my loved ones...sure i've asked them to call me and get me a present of something...who hasn't....maybe i should start expecting things ....maybe i should expect them to love me back....coz thats how the world goes...i feel this way n think this way...i want an ideal love, i want to provide an ideal love to the people i cherish...but i think i have to come out of my shell of idealism and look at the world the way it is...i feel like i'm wearing these glasses of differnt shades...and they paint my view of the world as i see it... love in the real world ...or atleast the world werei stay is pretty simple and uncomplicated...its almost like liking someone...i like u like me....lets get goin... i think and i know i anaylse too much....i need to chill...but its easier said than done...
I believe myself to be quite expressive but i think when it comes to the real deal of expressing my true feelings ....uh no...ur banging at the wrong door....i keep my emotions locked away safe...too frightened to let it out...coz i am a very intense person..my emotions are locked in a box...almost like the pandora's box...i don't knw wat will happen if i let it all out...i'm scared i'll be bare...i'm scared i'll scare my loved ones...i like to behave like a child...pretending to be confused and ignorant...i find it better than showing how sure i can be about my feelings yet equally unsure about the feelings or reactions that they might have in store for me if i let it all out....
And another common saying about love....'you'll regret not confessing coz u neva knw cud have been...'...me have a few thoughts and querries on that too:
1. I tend to mix reason with feelings and its a hard job and almost a vain one...but wat makes people think confessing to your love makes it all better?...can't we be happy lovng people and not letting them know?...(but we DO let them know by our actions don't we...shouldn't that suffice)... y do people have to name emotions???....can't they let them be unaccountable, unending and ineffable...???
2. Wat if ur 'pretty' sure wat will become of the situation if you ignorantly and selfishly tried to let it out and feel light atleast for the moment...imagine the devastation it might cause your blissfully ignorant love...who might not have had expected such ardor from ur side...
I shal continue this ...another time....gotta rush...can't think anymore...i may have written quite a lot but i have zillions more to talk about it...it i don't think i'll want to express them.....Man...i just realised i have soo many issues!!!....have to see a shrink now...hahahahaha
Take care
Luv ya'll
*^_^*
January 25 trip to indiai met some of my college frns this time on my trip to india. I was very happy to meet em....aadit,ashu disha, chandan, pj and rohan...i sadly and ironically cud't meet my best friend Tanmay for whom i had planned the the entire plan of goin to india in the first place....don't ask why...
but i met an old roomate of mine whom i thot i won't be able to meet coz i didn't have her contact number but whaddyaknow!!!... she came to meet me the day b4 i was leaving the country and it was a real suprise and a gr8 one if i might add....
i got mehndi done on hands...for those who don't have any idea wat i'm talkin about, mehndi is an indian art of extracting the jucies of a herb called mehndi and applying its paste in a artful fashion on the hands to give a beautiful orange effect in the end. (i really am not gud at explainin these stuff so plz bear with me :)..)
oh well all in all it was a good trip, i hope to go back n meet as many of my friends on my next trip... November 03 Belated 21st Birthday and frns Report!Long time since i blogged sumthin...bcoz of laziness...lol...well the best thing that has happened since my last blog was my surpise birthday party (10th oct'05) which was my 21st btw. It was AWESOME!....i used to hate suprises but this certainly changed my attitude towards the whole term.
And it all coz of my frns here...they are the sweetest and the most diverse ppl that i have ever met!...and to see them all in one room was all the more suprising...and very thoughtful!
Few months ago i was very depressed with my social circle which had just few dodgy ppl around ...but after my the party i realised that i am truly blessed with my small but diverse and amazing set of friends and if i ever wanted to celebrate my brithday that time i would invited almost each n every one in the party...i really felt that i had made good frns in new zealand...god bless us all!! (phew~!..lol)!
Oh an by the way i'm very obsessed with Koreans at the moment...the people and their culture are just mindblowing!!....the more i find about koreans the more interesting it becomes coz their lifestyles are unfimiliarly-familiar to my own(think about that word, invented it myself...lol). This obsession is probably because i have met some koreans families over here and they are just DIVINE...i love to hang around them!... Times like these i really thank fate for making me do intercultural commmunications and thank GOD for Globalisation!!! i wouldn't have met so many differnt ppl from different places if we all stayed in our own countries and neva came out to see the world....I reccommend all of you...TRAVEL PLACES...IT WILL REALLY BROADEN YOUR PERSPECTIVE ABOUT CULTURE, EMOTIONAL EXPRESSIONS, PEOPLE AND most importantly LIFE...
LUV Yall! *^_^*
August 21 Encounter???....WTF?Nothin much...borin...bla bla bla n bla I had a gr8 time yesterday though....lol went for a hindi movies after a LONG time in NZ which was good...went to a casino at Sky Tower...and SAW ppl gambling and wat a WASTE of time that is... My frnds were like "hey...that awesome and i was like...kill me right now...lol" I realy cannot imagine y ppl do such things...guess that what "Addicton" is all about huh! And to my surprise....i met my lecturer there...imagine 1 am in the morning and this frail -short-60 yr old philipino lady is energetically pressing the "jackpot- thingy-machine" button...and i was like...WHAT THE HELL's GOIN ON? Seriously i never had never expected tomeet one of my most respected teachers there...and after that she's like "oh!...hello...how r u"...n all that jazz...but i was just wanted to ask her that "WHAT THE HELL A RESPECTED AND OLD LADE LIKE U DOIN AT A CASINO AT THIS HOUR?"....ok ok...don't wanna sound motherly or authoritative...but it was kinda crazy... but it made my other frnds laugh like they were throwing fits or sumthin...and i tried my best not to confront her...i was thinking..."god...plz don't let her see me..." I wasn't embarresd to be there but i thot SHE would be embrassed to meet me there...but after all said and done it was a funny encounter...
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